Stop Playing the Blame Game

 Guest Commentary by Dr. Boyce Watkins

 

I recently watched an ABC News special about Black women not getting married. It featured a number of beautiful, intelligent Black women who couldn‘t find husbands. The show, which quoted Steve Harvey, who wrote a book on relationships last year, allowed the guest to drone on about how sad it is that the Black men that Black women want are just too blind and pathetic to see how great these women really are.

I can’t help but find it odd that Black women in America are taking relationship advice from a comedian. Not to hate on Steve, but you’ve got to wonder if there is a qualified relationship counselor available somewhere who actually studied this stuff in school. Perhaps it’s because Black America is getting relationship advice from a comedian that our family structures have become a great big national joke.

We all know the story: over 70 percent of all African-American women don’t have husbands. That is a tragedy for the entire family, especially the children. The joint social trauma inflicted by a poor educational system, mass incarceration and massive unemployment among Black men has come together to create an unsustainable set of social outcomes.

That’s not to mention the Black men who’ve either chosen to date other men or can’t see the beauty of Black women when they know that Elin Nordegren might be available. Yes, Houston, we have a problem.

Still, I often wonder if there is more to the Black relationship story than that. Here are a couple of thoughts to consider: First, I have to ask, are men the only ones to blame here?

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The Black Male Unemployment Rate

 

What a brotha needs for the New Year, let alone Christmas, is a job! According to recently released statistics from the U.S. Labor Department, 1 in 5 black males (17% unemployment rate) twenty and over is unemployed.  Compare this to the white male unemployment rate of 8.5%, and you’ll see why times are disproportionately tougher for brothas. 

     So what’s the answer?  The Village Report.Net believes it must become the full-time job of the community to reverse this trend. But keep in mind that unemployment of this order is symptom of a greater malady.  The source is most likely the depressingly low number of black males graduating from college (or, for that matter, attending college). In short, we must redouble efforts to impact the thinking of our young, black boys.

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Why I Didn't Get Married

 by W. Eric Croomes

    

    

     I am a 45-year old African American blogger, author and talk-show host living in the suburbs of Dallas, Texas.  I became eligible to marry I suppose somewhere in the intervening years after graduating from college in 1990.  In the twenty-plus years since that event, I’ve met some beautiful, intelligent and charming women that I could’ve, should’ve and, dare I say, would’ve married, had I been fully conscious of the marital stakes involved and had I been fully engaged in what was going on in my own personal life as it related to relationship and commitment. 

     Having been raised in a two-parent home within a bed rock of conventional social values, I learned the importance of effective communication and conflict resolution. Although my parent’s marriage was not the greatest, they managed to find a way to co-exist.  Now, as an adult with a tepid desire to be married, and as an astute observer of social trends, I’m asking myself, ‘what the hell is wrong with marriage in the black experience?’ 

     Tyler Perry’s Why Did I Get Married? prompted me to examine more carefully if, a) I even want to bother with marriage and b) exactly why I don’t want to be bothered with marriage. Indeed, marriage for black people was once such a venerable institution that served as a catalyst for social advancement.  Now it lies in tattered ruins, sort of like those Roman coliseums which spur curious spectators today.

     Once upon a time there were stories of courage and bonding from couples who’d been married through decades of thick and thin. Today we are graced by Divorce Court, where we are forced to listen to the disparaging, deprecating offenses of people who apparently flunked pre-marital counseling sessions or didn’t even bother to attend. Reality television of this sort is probably the main reason we have such conflicting views on the state of marriage in the black community. We rarely hear of the successful marriages but we get an overload of the shipwrecked relationships.

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Honoring Yourself in 2010

 

 

 

           by Glenys Colclough

            Here we are, at the start of not only a new year, but a new decade.  If you are like most, you have a fresh attitude, a new outlook and a reasonable list of New Years resolutions that you are determined to accomplish.              As we move from day to day, striving to make whole our desires and win in 2010; the importance of honoring yourself should be a priority you are not willing to sacrifice at any cost. Honoring yourself at all times will undoubtedly place you where you would like to be at the end of the year.              If you have set goals for yourself, you set them because you have a desire that needs to be fulfilled. That desire comes from a place deep within, where the truth of who you are lives.  That same truth is the essence of who you were created to be, and if you honor that you will find yourself in alignment with your goals and experiencing a life with such fullness, abundance and advancement, that you will clearly recognize how it all came to be; simply by honoring who you are.  

            Following are four simple tips for you to consider in helping you to honor yourself in 2010. 

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Obama: The Ultimate Role Model

Commentary:
Obama: The Ultimate Role Model
    I don’t tend to agree with everything that former NBA player Charles Barkley says, but he had it right several years ago when he emphatically declared: “I am not a role model!”  Leaving aside the implied wish not to be looked up to by millions of young black kids across America, his words still ring true.  Our black youth tend to look to sports, cinema and music as paradigms for material success in a culture that supposedly rewards hard work and ambition.  These genres, however, only reinforce the “American Idol” effect on society, promising instant success with little sweat.

  

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The Myth of the Independent Black Woman

 

 The Myth
of the
Independent Black Woman

We’ve all heard of her; she’s been crooned, immortalized and hyped since the beginning of the 1990’s as the strong, self-sufficient black woman.
She’s appeared in film, literature and theater as the saving grace of the black family and the antidote to black male patriarchy.  In the process, she’s become the star of African American post-modern folklore; there aren’t too many black families that don’t claim her as one of their own.  She is the independent black woman.
But are independent black women really that independent?  And, with all due respect to the crooner Neo, how did the independent black woman come about in the first place, if, in fact, we even give preeminence to her existence?

 

The Disappearing Black Male  
To best answer this we’d have to turn to history and look at such factors as the disappearance of black men as viable marriage partners for black women.  If black women have theoretically become independent, it stands to reason at some point they were dependent or, at the very least, co-dependent with men.  So what happened?  

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 Yo Money: Barack Obama, From Employee to American Capitalist

 United States Presidential candidate, Barack Obama, and his wife Michelle have made quite a financial “come up” in the past few years. From 2000 to 2004, their average adjusted gross income, as reported on their federal income tax returns, was approximately $210,000. This figure skyrocketed more than 1000% to an amazing $2,245,000 between 2005 and 2008.

How did the Obama’s make their money?
From 2000 to 2004, Barack was an Illinois State Senator making approximately $60,000 a year and earned nearly $32,000 a year in his part-time hustle as a Senior Lecturer for the University of Chicago School of Law. His earnings of $92,000, accounted for 44% of their average adjusted gross income, and Michelle, who worked as an Executive Director of Community Affairs for the University of Chicago Hospitals, earned roughly $120,000 or 57% of their remaining average adjusted gross income. 

In 2005, Barack was elected to the U.S. Senate and nearly doubled his salary to roughly $165,000 a year, for politicking in Washington D.C. During that same year Michelle, was Vice President of the University of Chicago Hospitals, and earned $265,000 a year for her expertise regarding community affairs. 

Though the six figure salaries can make life sweet, the bottom line is that most of their wealth was generated from Barack’s recent 2.2 million combined book sales of Dreams of My Father, and The Audacity of Hope, which became a New York Times Best Seller. As a result of his newfound publishing success, he stacked a jaw-dropping $3.9 million from book sales alone in 2007. Did I mention that was pure profit? Now that’s hustln! 

How do the Obama’s spend their money?
The Obama’s purchased their plush $1.65 million home three years ago in the Kenwood area of Chicago. Reportedly, they spend on average about $35,000 annually on household expenses, including piano and dance lessons, and child care for their two daughters Malia, age nine, and Natasha, age six. 

According to Business Week, in April of 2007, Barack was driving a Canadian-built Chrysler 300C sedan and his campaign vehicle was a flex-fuel GMC Yukon. 

How do the Obama’s invest their money?
According to Barack Obama’s 2007 Senate Financial Disclosure Report, he and Michelle invest their wealth fairly conservatively. The bulk of their wealth, $1.5 million, was invested in cash or short-term money market accounts. Barack contributed nearly $50,000 to his Illinois State Employee retirement plan last year. Michelle has about $75,000 in her 403(b) retirement account and together they have a total of $155,000 invested in various mutual funds that are comprised of bonds (roughly 60%) and stocks (roughly 35%). 

That’s low risk investing, considering they still have about another 20 years before retirement. I wonder if they know something about the future of the American economy that the rest of us don’t? 

The Obama’s have also invested approximately $750,000 in low risk U.S. Treasury Notes. In 2007, they stashed roughly $175,000 into two 529 College Saving Plans for each of their daughters. 

How did the Obama’s get out of debt?
More than four years ago, Barack and Michelle were drowning in debt. Combined, they had approximately $120,000 in student loans they took out to pay for law school. 

Earlier this year, Michelle was campaigning for Obama in Zanesville, Ohio, where she talked to a group of women about managing the family and Obama’s political success.  

This is what she told the group about the family’s past debt situation:

”The only reason we’re not in that position is that Barack wrote two best-selling books… It was like Jack and his magic beans. But up until a few years ago, we were struggling to figure out how we would save for our kids.”

Fortunately, their biggest financial worry now is deciding what to do with all the money they’re “stackin.” The Obama’s are practically debt free! Their house and cars are all paid for, as public records show they have reported zero liabilities over $10,000.
 
From taking out loans for law school to working for non-profit organizations, America’s potential presidential family has truly demonstrated what it takes to achieve financial success if you’re black in Capitalist America – Invest in education, Pursue your passion and Keep “grindin!” 

Create Wealth, Enjoy Life!
James "Bird" Guess
President & Founder, www.blackeconomy.com  

The Literati: The Gospel of Relationships According to Steve Harvey

The long-running feud between black men and black women in America has certainly had its moments when the war seemed to crest and, unfortunately, moments when that cresting was painfully short-lived.  Literary, cinematic and musical scores on the subject constantly remind us of just how bad things have gotten, pointing ultimately to the modern phenomenon of six out of ten black marriages ending up in divorce court.  Who can solve the riddle of black relationships?  Answer: a comedian. 

            After all, the most miserable of us who’s ever been part of a relationship gone sour can attest to its comedic quality, even in light of its tragic ending. Sometimes it’s just best to laugh and walk away. 

            That comedian is Steve Harvey, the veritable King of Comedy, whose stand-upish attempt at proffering advice to millions of black women is couched in his book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy and Commitment. 

            Understanding between the black sexes has been the highlight of scholastic literature for the past quarter-century, highlighted by Dr. Ron Elmore’s How to Love a Black Man.  

            The chapter Men Respect Standards – Get Some is the author’s most worthy contribution. Here the author enlightens his readers – reminds them, as it were – of just how priceless standards can be. His unction to women to be up front with men by telling them what they DON’T like as women speaks to the real stuff at the bottom of most failed affairs of the heart. After all, we’ve all been guilty of relaxing our standards to cure ails of a lonely heart a time or two. 

            Overall, Mr. Harvey’s antidote for black women who have just about given up on black men doesn’t go far enough.  It fails to recognize that black women are just as victimized by black male patriarchal attitudes that are the scourge of women worldwide.

            The accept-us-as-we-are approach is not the panacea for the ills of black men and women in relationship. Black men moving out of patriarchal thinking and seeing themselves as more than the sum of what they earn is not either, but it does open new possibilities for understand between the black sexes; and it does at least make an attempt at delivering us from the capitalistic tyranny that underscores the predominant way black men and women see each other.

Ask Eric: Advice from a Brotha's Point of View

Ask Eric is a new feature on TheVillageReport.Net.  Here is where you can share what’s on your mind regarding relationships, family, personal struggles, finances, things going on in the world.  I’ll in turn give you my direct opinion, no beating around the bush. If I don’t have an answer, I’ll get one!  If there is a need for a professional resource for your particular situation, I’ll find you one!

If you story is selected for posting, your identity will never be revealed.

Now, since I am not credentialed to act as a psychologist or counselor, my views in no way are to be taken as professional advice.

To contact me, simply send an email to heyeric@thevillagereport.net. I’ll respond to your email within 72 hours.

The Back Spin: How Do We Feel About the Prez. and Race Relations?

CNN) -- A year after the election of America's first African-American president, blacks in the United States are expressing optimism about racial progress not seen in a quarter-century, according to a new report by the Pew Research Center.

Thirty-nine percent of African-Americans said the "situation of black people in this country" is better than it was five years ago, nearly twice the 20 percent who said the same in 2007.

The optimism is not limited to the present, but covers the future as well.

A majority of African-Americans polled, 53 percent, said that life for blacks in the future will be better than it is now. Two years ago, the number was 44 percent.

The historic election of Barack Obama to the White House appears to have played a role in the positive sentiment.

Fifty-four percent of African-Americans said they think Obama's barrier-breaking election has improved race relations in America. One-third of whites polled agreed, while 45 percent said his election has made no difference in race relations.

Personal finances have improved for blacks, according to the report. One-third of African-Americans polled rated their financial situation as excellent or good. In 2006, the number was 27 percent.

During the same time frame, economic fortunes for whites slumped, dropping from 52 percent then to 35 percent now.

Even with the upbeat findings, more than eight in 10 African-Americans said the country needs to make more changes before blacks have equal rights with whites. About one-third of whites agreed.

The phone survey of 2,884 adults was conducted October 28 - November 30, 2009, and has a margin of error of plus or minus 3.0 percentage points for the full sample. Error rates vary among sub-groups within the survey.

Source: CNN

The Arts: A TVR.NET Listener's Review of the Film

Precious

Precious is a step out side the box.  It is not the traditional drama.  I am the type of person who enjoys analyzing things or finding irony in a situation.  After leaving the theater I drew a blank.  I was speechless.  I had to take a moment to reflect on what I’d just seen. 

The performances were great.  This was a very different role for Monique.  Very great acting on her part.  The abuse in this film was a bit shocking; however as a Social Worker I can appreciate how this film brings awareness to the struggles many individual face daily.  This film touches on the issues of abuse, poverty, poor education, dysfunctional family dynamics and their affects.  I was impressed by a statement made by Precious after being abused.  She stated “I cried last night; but that’s why God makes new days, to start over.”  This is a film about perseverance.  Although faced with many adversities, Precious found a way to push on.  Life is about choices.  You can either choose to be a victim or fight through adversity.

-Latisha Moham, Dallas

The Philosopher's Seat: Quotes, Words, Anecdotes and Such on Current Events

President Obama's recent pronouncement regarding the use of bailout money to reduce the deficit and bolster job growth comes on the heels of the worst financial crisis in United States history, spurred by the actions of scurrilous 'money changers'. That brings a speech by FDR to mind, who was mending a financial crisis of his own, as the nation was mired in the Great Depression:

"The rulers of the exchange of mankind's goods have failed, through their own stubbornness and their own incompetence, have admitted their failure, and have abdicated. Practices of the unscrupulous money changers stand indicted in the court of public opinion, rejected by the hearts and minds of men.  Yes, the money changers have fled from their high seats in the temple of our civilization. We may now restore that temple to the ancient truths. The measure of that restoration lies in the extent to which we apply social values more noble than monetary profit."

-Franklin D. Roosevelt

TVR.Net Contributors

W. Eric Croomes is the Editor in Chief of The Village Report and host of The Village Report with W. Eric Croomes. heyeric@thevillagereport.net

 Marissa Toussaint is a Certified Holistic Health Counselor and Life Motivator based in New York. www.marissatoussaint.com

Mia Turner is based in Dallas and is a Facilitator with the Alliance for North Texas Healthy and Effective Marriages (A.N.T.H.E.M.)miaspeaks@gmail.com